How often do you feel unhappy; once a month, once a week or daily? Do you think that this is the life you have been given to live or there is little point in trying to make it different because something will always come and make things horrible again?
I meet lots of people who think like this, I have friends that think like this and it makes me really sad; not because I’ve lived a great life and haven’t had to deal with hardship, but because I think we are able to take more control of our own lives than that! I know we can’t stop negative things from happening in our life but we can alter and improve how we deal with them – that would itself increase well-being, making you feel happier.
“You never change things by fighting the resisting reality. To change something, build a new model that makes the existing model obsolete”
There are other dimensions to this situation too, some people don’t want to take responsibility for their happiness because responsibility is frightening, it may mean that they fail and this would be difficult to comprehend and therefore it is avoided; ultimately, although subconsciously, the decision is made to stay unhappy.
“Happiness does not depend on what you have or who you are, it solely relies on what you think”
Some people struggle to see things from a different perspective, have you ever focused on something, almost to the point of obsessing, because you’re really unhappy with the way things are? Do you think that you could possibly be missing an angle to your situation? If you have a familiar experience, you may tint other, non related situations with that of your past. If this is the case, if you were to address the frame of thinking you operate within, you could be happier. For the man who sees all women as untrustworthy, because his early experiences of his Mum was that she constantly had affairs, this could thwart his ability to have an open and trusting relationship in his present day; if he tested his reality and his frame of thinking about women, he may be open to there being types of women and how to recognise the healthier type.
“You will either step forward into growth, or step back into safety”
Safety is another reason why people may not try the thing that they want the most. When I say safety to my client, I’m often referring to the safety of something that is known or familiar, which may not something that is generally considered ‘safe’. If someone grew up in a household where getting their needs met was difficult, their familiar/safe place may be with people who also do not meet their needs. When in the company of people that give as much as they take, the person may start to feel out of their comfort zone and retract from this type of contact even though it is this exact type of contact that they crave.
So, what’s stopping you from creating your own happiness, if it’s fear, responsibility or stepping out of your comfort zone, my words of wisdom are:
“I have never met anyone that regrets their own therapeutic journey; the only direction they moved, was forward”.